"Maybe we shouldn't ask athletes to live up to ideals that, let's face it, are unsupported by the chronically weak performance of human nature. Maybe it's time to decriminalize performance-enhancing drugs, in view of the fact that the first drug cheat was an ancient Greek and runners brought sport-doping into the modern age in 1904 by dosing themselves with strychnine.

Our Air Force gives fighter jocks "go-pills" to get them through long missions, but we don't refuse to call them heroes because they're on speed. So what's this strange amnesia that causes us to seek purity in athletes? Why should they have to meet a higher moral standard than soldiers? Call me naive."

"What's the job of an athlete really? It is to seek the limits of the human body, for our viewing pleasure. Athletes are astronauts of the physique, explorers. Some of them choose to explore by making human guinea pigs out of themselves. So maybe we should quit assigning any ethical value to what they do, and simply enjoy their feats as performance artists. Virtue was another notion dreamed up by the Greeks, only they were a lot less confused about what they meant by the term. Their word for virtue could also be accurately translated as simply "excellence." As for the word "amateur," it didn't exist to them at all."

"Doping is not a modern art. It's just the medicine that's new. As a recent story in National Geographic pointed out, performance enhancement grew with chemistry in the mid-19th century. Athletes choked down sugar cubes dipped in ether, brandy laced with cocaine, nitroglycerine and amphetamines. In that context, the current scourges of steroids and blood boosters are merely a sequential progression" (Jenkins).

"These drugs — nicknamed la bomba by Italian cyclists and atoom by Dutch cyclists — minimize the uncomfortable sensations of fatigue during exercise. By setting a safe upper limit to the body’s performance at peak exertion, these unpleasant sensations prevent bodily harm" (Noakes 847).

"Baseball and greenies [amphetamines] go together like hot dogs and apple pie, assuming the hot dogs come flying off the grill at Warp Seven and the pie sort of jitters and sweats slightly as it is removed from the oven. They've been together for a long, untouted while, is the thing" (Kreidler).  

• The Paleolithic Prescription: A Program of Diet and Exercise and a Design for Living- S. Boyd Eaton, Marjorie Shostar, and Melvin Konner.  If not the first, it was one of the first paleo books, and is shockingly the least "paleo" of any of them.  I doubt these people are even clear on what the Paleolithic Era was.
• NeanderThin: Eat Like a Caveman to Achieve a Lean, Strong, Healthy Body- Ray Audette.  In my opinion, the seminal work on paleolithic dieting, Audette recommends what seems to be the closest thing in print to what actual paleolithic man ate.
• The Paleo Diet- Loren Cordain.  Initially, Cordain allowed for the inclusion of sweet potatoes and beans, neither of which are paleo for reasons I'll list later in this article.  He later backed away from that stance, but this book is a pile of shit.
• The Paleo Diet for Athletes: The Ancient Nutritional Formula for Peak Athletic Performance- Loren Cordain.  Even higher carb and less paleo than his original book, this shitshow recommends sweet potatoes, bananas, and a post workout recovery drink with high-glycemic carbs post workout.  Apparently, Cordain is unaware that there are athletes disinterested in running ultra marathons out in the world.
• The Evolution of the Human Diet: The Known, the Unknown, and the Unknowable- Peter Ungar, ed.  An academic text on paleolithic eating habits in which Loren Cordain directly contradicts his mainstream work, this one is pretty much a gem if you want to find out what paleolithic man actually ate.
• The Paleo Solution: The Original Human Diet- Robb Wolf.  My second favorite paleo book in which Robb Wolf not only gives a paleo drink recipe (it's basically just tequila and lime), but he makes recommendations much more in line with the archaeological record and Audette's recommendations.
• The New Evolution Diet: What Our Paleolithic Ancestors Can Teach Us about Weight Loss, Fitness, and Aging- Arthur DeVany and Nassim Taleb.  Trash on par with the Paleolithic Prescription- this book was seemingly written for vapid housewives so whacked out of their heads on Vicodin they can't tell bullshit from chocolate pudding.
• The Primal Blueprint: Reprogram your genes for effortless weight loss, vibrant health, and boundless energy- Mark Sisson.  I was underwhelmed.  Certainly not as bad as NED, but it was too touchy feely and not informative enough for my liking.

The Main Paleo Categories

Strict Paleo

Traditional Paleo 

Primal

Perfect Health Diet

Specialized and obsolete versions of “Paleo”

Autoimmune Paleo 

Cordain’s original Paleo Diet

• No grains.  That means no bread, no cereal, no crackers, no tortillas or chips.  (Exception: Perfect Health Diet allows white rice in moderation.)  Grains (wheat, corn, rice, barley, oats, rye, and other seeds and grasses) weren't eaten much in the paleolithic because they require milling and long cooking to be made edible.  Raw grain plus water essentially equals paper mache, and there's not a primate on Earth that can eat paper mache without shitting their proverbial pants.
• No grain products.  This means no “vegetable oils” like corn, soy, sunflower, grapeseed, and canola, no corn syrup or Frankengredients like TVP (textured vegetable protein).  That pretty much puts 75% of the supermarket off limit if you're any kind of paleo.
• No peanuts or peanut butter.  They’re a legume, not a nut.  Plus they’re only 18% poor-quality protein (PDCAAS = 0.5) with boatloads of inflammatory linoleic acid (“omega-6 fat”).  Peanuts, like corn, also contain a fungi called aflatoxins which is one of the most carcinogenic toxic substances known.  There's no treatment for aflatoxin infection, either- once you have it, you have it.  Cooking can kill aflatoxins, but it's not 100% effective- for some reason ancient man knew this, but flight attendants don't.
• No sugar except what naturally occurs in fruit, and limited amounts of honey.  Obviously, ancient man had little access to sugar cane, and they certainly weren't going to tangle with a bunch of bees for honey on a regular basis.  Thus, sugar and honey are pretty much out, which basically eliminates all junk food from one's diet when combined with the grains.

"Even if eating only foods available to hunter–gatherers in the Paleolithic made sense, it would be impossible. As Christina Warinner of the University of Zurich emphasizes in her 2012 TED talk, just about every single species commonly consumed today—whether a fruit, vegetable or animal—is drastically different from its Paleolithic predecessor. In most cases, we have transformed the species we eat through artificial selection: we have bred cows, chickens and goats to provide as much meat, milk and eggs as possible and have sown seeds only from plants with the most desirable traits—with the biggest fruits, plumpest kernels, sweetest flesh and fewest natural toxins. Cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts and kale are all different cultivars of a single species, Brassica oleracea; generation by generation, we reshaped this one plant's leaves, stems and flowers into wildly different arrangements, the same way we bred Welsh corgis, pugs, dachshunds, Saint Bernards and greyhounds out of a single wolf species. Corn was once a straggly grass known as teosinte and tomatoes were once much smaller berries. And the wild ancestors of bananas were rife with seeds" (Jabr).

"Certain isolated groups in areas such as Brazil, Papua New Guinea, and rural African communities have been found to live on sodium intakes of as little as 1150 mg per day. However, despite finding generally low blood pressure in these remote communities, the little evidence that exists on these low salt societies suggests shorter life expectancy and higher mortality rates" (Kresser).

"In Norse mythology, before the creation of the world, it was the divine cow Audhumla who, through her licking of the cosmic salt ice, gave form to Buri, ancestor of the gods and grandfather of Odin. On the first day as Audhumla licked, Buri's hair appeared from the ice, on the second day his head and on the third his body" (Wikipedia)

"'Ancestral reconstructions of ADH4 demonstrate the ancestor of humans, chimpanzees and gorillas possessed a novel enzyme with dramatically increased activity toward ethanol and we suspect this novel metabolic capacity was adaptive to this hominin ancestor,' said Professor Carrigan.

'This transition implies the genomes of modern human, chimpanzee and gorilla began adapting at least 10 million years ago to dietary ethanol present in fermenting fruit.
'This conclusion contrasts with the relatively short amount of time - about 9,000 years - since fermentative technology enabled humans to consume beverages devoid of food bulk with higher ethanol content than fruit fermenting in the wild.'

He said the history has implications not only for understanding the forces that shaped early human terrestrial adaptations but also for many modern human diseases caused by alcohol today" (Ibid).

 

 

As this random Russian shows us, it's all about the muthafuckin' pullups. 

“Naha Stone art thou:
And by Naha Prince only may thy, sacredness be broken.
Now behold, I am Kamehameha, a Niau-pio
A spreading mist of the forest.”

 

"So Ronda get’s the gal down and upside down, gets an armbar. And you can see on the film where the gal was tapping, giving up, tapping out, and the referee was just standing there and looking. And I’m screaming “roll her over and break her arm!” and of course she does what Uncle Gene tells her to do, and that was that. It made it look a little bit better, but you don’t want to hurt a kind person if you don’t have to…….unless it makes you feel good" (Judo Gene).

• Eggplant
• Cabbage
• Artichokes
• Eggplants
• Carrots
• Gourds
• Melon
• Parsnip
• Swiss chard
• Spinach
• Leeks
• Peas
• Turnips
• Cucumber
• Chickpeas
• Celery
• Leeks
• Peas
• Lettuce
• Garlic
• Onions
• Shallots

"Throughout Europe, potatoes were regarded with suspicion, distaste and fear. Generally considered to be unfit for human consumption, they were used only as animal fodder and sustenance for the starving. In northern Europe, potatoes were primarily grown in botanical gardens as an exotic novelty. Even peasants refused to eat from a plant that produced ugly, misshapen tubers and that had come from a heathen civilization. Some felt that the potato plant's resemblance to plants in the nightshade family hinted that it was the creation of witches or devils" (Chapman).

• oxybenzone- This ingredient really is the biggie, but it appears that it's in so much shit and causes so many health problems, it's going to get you in the end anyway.  Oxybenzone has been linked to "allergies, hormone disruption, and cell damage", and in spite of the fact that studies show it to be toxic, the cosmetics industry seems to think it's either indispensable or good for you (Allen, Nakajima).

• benzophenone- Benzophenone, while not quite the bad, bad man that walks into the bar, smashes a bottle of the head of the first man he sees and rapes his girlfriend, then burns the bar on the way out, still sucks for you.  It's been shown to cause DNA damage (Cuquerella), which should be considered a bad thing unless you're putting all of your eggs in the "it's a mutation that will turn me into a superhuman mutant" X-Men-style basket.

• octyl methoxycinnamate- Otherwise known as OMC, this is bandied about by hippie "science" websites as a "mutagenic toxic substance", though like other hippie websites, an attempt at confirming that just led me into a Google ring-around-the rosie between sites that would smell of patchouli if sites could smell.  Despite the fact, however, that OMC is not the secret ingredient in the ooze that created the teenage mutant ninja turtles, it's not great for you.  It's not great at blocking out sunlight, and the "gene expression results suggest that the overall cellular response to DNA damage was significantly altered by OMC" (Duale)... and not in a good way.  This would be another substance to avoid.

• retinyl palmitate- This one had me skeptical, frankly, because I've mentioned before I find the panic about Vitamin A toxicity to be even more overblown than Rex Manning's dick.  A study by the National Toxicology Program, however, showed that retinyl palmitate increased the incidence of skin lesions and tumors, and decreased the life expectancy of the rats in the study.  While not nearly as compelling as the oxybenzone results, it's worth noting that this stuff may have the potential to have you looking like a krokodil addict at some point.

"Melanotan-II is POSSIBLY SAFE when used under medical supervision for treating ED (erectile dysfunction). It may cause nausea, stomach cramps, decreased appetite, flushing, tiredness, yawning, darkened skin, spontaneous erections of the penis, and other side effects" (Web MD). 

• he started out as a gymnast. Due to his background in gymnastics, Steinborn had great flexibility, body control, and balance.  This ingrained the necessity for good form, so conscious thought was unnecessary while lifting (Strossen 8).
• he was concerned with overall health. Steinborn sunbathed regularly, took a lot of long walks, and ate a ton of protein (Strossen 8-9)
• he was obsessive about training through a full range of motion, and abhored cheating on any movement (Strossen 9)
• he wasn't a disgusting fatass- Steinborn showed the world that muscular "development, speed, and technique" are what makes good lifters, rather than massive bulk and retard strength (Strossen 7).

"Before he did any heavy lifting he did some stretching exercises.  He had an exercise stick that he used for stretching and calisthenics.  He did dislocates on the rings.  He could do giant swings [on a high bar]" (Strossen 8).  

"Shortly after that we had gone to dinner and I witnessed his method of eating. On this occasion he had eaten boiled onions and steak. He had bolted it down in a tiny fraction of the time I required to consume my own dinner. As I watched him swallow his food in great chunks I thought, what is this? I had always read that strong men were deliberate eaters. They chewed their food well, keeping it in their mouths as long as they could while reducing it to the smallest possible particles. But here was something new. I didn’t ask Steinborn about it because I had only met him and did not feel that I knew him well enough to interrogate him concerning his eating habits.

A few minutes later we were walking down the street and I noticed his jaws moving methodically. “What are you chewing, Mr. Steinborn?” I asked. “A piece of steak,” was his reply. I wondered where he got the steak, could he have a rubber pocket in his coat and have slipped part of his dinner in there? Then Steinborn said, “It’s a gift I have to be able to eat hurriedly and then bring the food up for more thorough chewing. Do you want to see me bring up the onion?” He showed me that his mouth was empty and then almost immediately a big, white onion popped into view. He chewed this carefully and swallowed again. “Now do you want to see a piece of steak?” and then he brought up another piece of steak" (Schmidt).

• Right hand snatch 187 lbs 
• Right hand continental jerk 248 lbs 
• Two hands snatch 231 pounds lbs 
• Two hands military press 265 lbs 
• Two hands continental push 308 lbs 
• Two hands continental jerk 386 lbs 
• Squat (bounce style) 650 lbs 
• Dead lift 650 lbs

• Beetles.  Most beetle larvae taste like pork rinds, and those from aquatic environments have a fishy flavor (Ramos-Elorduy 20-21).  One type of beetle, the sago palm weevil, is supposed to taste exactly like bacon (Strochlic).
• Butterflies and moths.  These are, thankfully, always eaten in the larval or pupal stage.  Their flavor depends on the environment where they lived and the manner in which they're prepared- some taste like chicken, others like codfish and herring.  The white agave (the worm at the bottom of bottles of mescal) is the most popular insect in the world from a luxury standpoint- a kilo of them costs $32-$35 (Ramos-Elorduy 21).  Like the white agave in South America,caterpillars are considered delicacies in southern African countries. Because it eats nothing but bee wax and honey, the wax moth caterpillar / wax worm, apparently tastes like an enoki mushrooms mixed with pine nuts (Strochlic).

• Bees, wasps and ants.  Wasps are known for their pine nutty flavor.  Bees, however, range in flavor from pine nuts, peanuts, or almonds.  Ants are almost always nutty, though certain species have a citrusy flavor (Ramos-Elorduy 23)
• Grasshoppers, crickets, and locusts. Grasshoppers are the most consumed type of insect in the world, and their flavor depends entirely on their method of preparation (Ramos-Elorduy 24).  Some people describe cooked locust as similar to smoky bacon, which most of you should get excited about (Dubois).  Africans call them "desert shrimp", though, and claim they taste quite a lot like the locust's sea faring cousin (Murray).  There, the dip fried locusts in a chili powder called yaji (the recipe for that is here), and it's basically become one of the most sought-after protein sources in Nigeria in recent years. As such, I'd start here or with ants and a bunch of sriracha.

• Flies and mosquitoes. The flavor of flies depends on where they were raised.  Flies raised on cheese (like in Sardinia) taste like cheese, while ones from water environs taste like duck.  Fresh mosquitoes taste like fish (Ramos-Elorduy 24)
• Water boatmen and backswimmers. I grew up calling these things water striders, but irrespective of what you call them, their eggs are known as Mexican caviar and taste like fish when fresh and shrimp when dried (Ibid)
• Stink bugs. Horrible as it would seem to eat one of these noxious motherfuckers, they're damn good for you.  They possess anesthetic and analgesic properties, and add an apple flavor to sauces.  Additionally, they contain iodine, which is awesome for people in regions where it is not readily available (Ibid).  Just don't eat them raw, or the toxins they contain might kill you.
• Witchetty (witjuti) grubs.  Apparently these are only found in the land of Crocodile Dundee, but the larva of the cossid moth has been a staple in the diets Aborigines for centuries.  These little high protein, mobile boogers taste like almonds, and when cooked their the skin becomes crisp like roasted chicken (Food).
• Tarantulas.  Having seen wolf spiders up close, all I can think when approached by a spider as big as my fist, all I am capable of is complete arachnid destruction.  For those of you who can stave off the "destroy everything" Hatebreed-esque respond and just stick to simple murder, tarantulas are said to taste like to soft-shell crab or shrimp (Strochlic).  As I hate seafood almost as much as spiders, I'll leave that to you lunatics to test.

"Dry roasted mealworms can be salted or dipped in chocolate and eaten as a snack, sprinkled on salads, and added to soup. They taste a lot like peanuts and can replace nuts in cookies, cakes, and other desserts. Since roasted worms are brittle, they can be ground and mixed with flour when you bake muffins, pancakes, or bread. The different ways these insects can be added to recipes is almost limitless.

How to dry roast mealworms
Place your live mealworms in a colander and toss and rinse them under cool water. This is to remove any food and substrate from the worms. Be sure to pick out any dead worms or pupae.

Pat the worms dry with paper towels, place them in a container or plastic bag, and put them in the freezer for about fifteen minutes. This will quickly kill the worms.

Spread the mealworms out evenly on a non stick cookie sheet. If you are worried that the worms may stick, you can lightly grease the sheet.

Place the worms in an oven at 200 degrees and bake them for one to two hours until they are dry and crispy. Some people do not like the smell of baking worms and prefer to cook them outside on a gas grill set to a low temperature" (Mealworm).

• Anoplura - lice
• Orthoptera - grasshoppers, crickets and cockroaches
• Hemiptera - true bugs
• Homoptera - cicadas and treehoppers
• Hymenoptera - bees, ants and wasps
• Diptera - flies and mosquitoes
• Coleoptera - beetles
• Lepidoptera - butterflies and moths
• Megaloptera - alderflies and dobsonflies
• Odonata - dragonflies and damselflies
• Ephemetoptera - mayflies
• Trichoptera - caddisflies
• Plecoptera - stoneflies
• Neuroptera - lacewings and antlions
• Isoptera - termites 

"Red, orange yellow, forget this fellow.
Black, green or brown, wolf it down"

(Bryant, "Entomophagy").

"The grimly serious Grippaldi’s arms were so hypertrophied from bodybuilding done in his teens that the Russian weightlifting experts at the Soviet Academy of Sport—in an article translated for American magazines—diagnosed those prodigious arms as the cause of a technique problem that inhibited his ultimate success. Phil may have been okay with that. He didn’t get Olympic gold, but a silver medal and a band of worshippers is not too bad" (McKeen 87) .

1. Blast his body with a wide array of non-shoulder specific assistance exercises
2. Focus on press-related assistance exercises
3. Refine his technique like a hipster refines his palette for wine tastings

"There was something wrong with us.  We chose a sport with no pot of gold and no rainbow.  Weightlifters didn't get appearance fees or product endorsements, do commercials or interviews, and most spent their entire income on their training and travel to competitions.  Some lifters got fed up, and turned pro wrestler, or switched to the new sport of professional strongman competition; the strong legs and backs of Olympic lifters made it a natural transition. 

And we usually passed on fun.  Fun was tied to spontaneity outside of the weight room.  Skiing for the weekend?  Might get injured.  Trip to the Outer Banks?  Where should I train?  "You are going to the gym on Christmas Day?" my wife demanded, incredulous.

"It's Wednesday.  Wednesday is jerk day.  I'll just be a couple of hours," I said.

"It is Jerk Day, isn't it?" She turned away.  Why the turn wasn't permanent, I'm not sure.
All that for the possible reward of respect by a few thousand or so Olympic lifters in the country, of being a Grippaldi.  We few, we slap-happy few" (McKee 90-91).

"For breakfast they ate 24 eggs and 3 pounds of smoked bacon; porridge with cream, honey, marmalade and tea with plenty of sugar. At three o’clock they had dinner: ten pounds of meat was consumed with vegetables (but not much potatoes); sweet fruits, raw or cooked, sweet cakes, salads, sweet puddings, cocoa and whipped cream and very sweet tea. Supper, after the show, they had cold meat, smoked fish, much butter, cheese and beer."

"Later, in England, as performers, Hermann and Kurt were partial to sweet foods and sugar. They tried very hard to gain weight but in spite of sweets and a terrific appetite, sometimes consuming one pound of butter between them, they failed to gain weight; sometimes only a few pounds which they could not hold. Arthur, the oldest, did not care for sweets and butter; even as a child he did not care for butter. Instead of butter he would use the lard from pork. Hermann and Kurt, in addition to other things, could make two pounds of marmalade and two quarts of very sweet cocoa disappear at one meal. Kurt was the heaviest eater of the three and for breakfast alone he could consume 24 eggs cooked in one-half pound of butter.

Their three o'clock dinner consisted mostly of roasted or fried meat, beef, pork or veal, not much potatoes, plenty of salads with oil just as in their childhood. Sometimes they had vegetables, but always lean meat. Every day they had pudding-yorkshire, rice, sago, etc., but very sweet. Then there was always raw or cooked fruits and nothing to drink. Sometimes, on one day during the week, they roasted poultry, goose, chicken, or turkey.

'Many times I ate an 11 pound goose alone,' Kurt informed me [Ed: That's 151 grams of protein and around 12,000 calories in a single sitting]. One day during the week they had fried or boiled fish, plenty of butter and toast but no potatoes. At six o'clock they had "tea"-this was mostly raw minced meat with raw onions, German bread and plenty of butter; sometimes sweet cakes and coffee were substituted.

Their late supper included herrings (when they could get them) and eaten in the same manner they had become accustomed to in childhood. The herrings were sometimes used in salad form; they made their own mayonnaise with raw whipped eggs and oil. There never was any whisky or brandy at home. Even as children they did not care for milk and as men they developed no taste for it. At 'tea' time they very often had whipped cream. They did not care for boiled eggs, instead, they went big for poached eggs with plenty of butter" (Gaudreau).  

"Basically I eat a lot of meat, cheese, and eggs. I like cottage cheese and meat-mostly beef in various forms. I eat almost no carbohydrates and very few vegetables. I supplement my diet with Johnson's Protein" (Training Methods).  

"I was using from 11/2 to 2 cups of Johnson's Protein (Rheo H. Blair's Protein) per day. I would mix it with cream and milk. I used about 2/3 of a quart of cream a day in mixing this along with the milk to make it the desired consistency. I took this protein-cream mix three times per day. I would eat 6 to 8 times per day. I would have breakfast, then a snack at 10 A. M. and then lunch at noon, then another snack at 2:30 P.M., then dinner plus the Protein-Cream drink. My evening meal is eaten after I work out" (Ibid).

"The nickname "Peanuts" was bestowed upon Bill because he was given a rigid diet at Muscle House of proteins, chiefly peanuts. He ate one pound of raw peanuts daily, also a half-cup of peanut butter each day as well as six spoonfuls of raw peanut oil every 24 hours. Of course, in addition to all this peanut intake he had numerous protein drinks and raw milk as well as many assorted fruit juices" (Liederman).

• 6-8 scoops of protein (144-192g protein)
• 2 quarts of whole milk (62g protein)
• 2 cups of dry skim milk (48g protein)
• 2 eggs (16g protein)
• 4 tablespoons peanut butter (16g protein)
• Half a brick (.875 quarts or 462 grams) of chocolate ice cream (15g protein)
• 1 small banana (1.3g protein)
• 4 tablespoons malted milk powder (17g protein)
• 6 tablespoons of corn syrup

"An ABC news online report today lead with the line “Half of all American adults are destined to develop diabetes or pre-diabetes by 2020 if they don’t slim down….” It goes on to talk about the “diabesity epidemic”

While I applaud the portmanteau, I have to come down against horrible, irresponsible, unprofessional reporting.

Being overweight doesn't cause diabetes. I know that because the American Diabetes Association says on their website:

Myth: If you are overweight or obese, you will eventually develop type 2 diabetes.
Fact:  Being overweight is a risk factor for developing this disease, but other risk factors such as family history, ethnicity and age also play a role. Unfortunately, too many people disregard the other risk factors for diabetes and think that weight is the only risk factor for type 2 diabetes.  Most overweight people never develop type 2 diabetes, and many people with type 2 diabetes are at a normal weight or only moderately overweight.

Correlation is not causation. The fact that two things happen at the same time doesn’t mean that they cause each other.  It’s quite possible that both things are caused by a third factor, or that they are unrelated.  For example studies are starting to show that, in countries where there is no stigma on obesity, there aren’t negative health outcomes of obesity.  More studies are needed to determine if the constant shame, stigma and guilt faced by obese people in the other cultures causes the health issues, or if it’s something else, or if causality can actually be linked to weight" (Chastain).

• Half of a sandwich
• Pill bottle-still full.
• Pack of cigarettes
• Cockroach
• Remote control from home she'd been looking for "for over a month"
• A whole, king-size Snicker
• Furry green object that later determined to be a half eaten cheese sandwich
• Bugs
• Creamy yellow yeast build-up from candidiasis
• Maggots
• Hershey's chocolate bar with the foil packaging decaying and stuck to the skin, discovered when an unusual rectangular opacity showed up on chest X-ray
• Teaspoon 
• Teabag
• Lemon Drop candies
• $20 bill
• Raven .25 auto (though it was under a pancake tit, not a pannus)
• Peppermint candies, "to help with the smell"
• Hidden tattoos
• Bag of Lays chips, half eaten "and growing into skin lollipop"
• Straws
• Utensils 
• Sugar packets

I circled the maggots for you.  You're quite welcome.

Frankly, she'd be in bad shape even for a zombie.

Here's where fat people become imminently more disgusting, and I'm sure a great many of you will climb aboard the ol' Pain Train to shout epithets our our burgeoning population of rotting, corpulent land beasts- these, disgusting, unwashed, waddling ocular assaults have what is known in the scientific world as "shitty skin integrity." In essence, they're literally falling apart.  Common skin conditions among the obese are:

• Diabetic Foot Ulcers- "Almost 24 million adults in the United States have diabetes, and obesity is one of the main risk factors for Type II diabetes" (Lowe).  About 15% of these slowly apirating cesspits of adiposity with the fat beetus (Type 2 diabetes) have diabetic foot ulcers and are the most common reason for diabetic patient admission to hospitals.  Slap a bandaid on it and sally forth, you say?  Nah, bro- you forget these failure piles aren't humans and lack human immune systems.  A foot ulcer in a diabetic land whale results in osteomyelitis, amputation, or death because they're so fucking ill and filthy that normal antibiotics often fail to quell a simple skin infection (Ibid).

"You know a doctor or a podiatrist has to cut the toenails on a diabetic patient?  RN's can't even do it, and they don't recommend the patient's do it themselves.  Because one little wound from accidentally cutting off too much nail and breaking the skin can spiral into a shitstorm of ulcers, zombie-foot, and amputation.  Oh!  Sometimes toes are so rotted and dead that they will just fall off in the patients bed!  Yay!"- A nurse friend who wants to keep her job and so contributed anonymously.

•  Venous Insufficiency Ulcers- This is a condition in which the hideous shitpiles cannot force enough blood into their massive, distended extremities to support life.  Before anyone leaps to the defense of the fat on this, there is "a significant association between BMI and increased clinical severity of chronic venous disease" (Ibid).  It's not just a venous disease thing- the fatties have such shitty epididimal integrity that any reduction in blood flow basically results in these sorry motherfuckers' bodies falling apart (ibid).

• Lymphedema- This fun-filled spectacle is the result of impaired lymph drainage, which causes swelling of the limbs, bacterial infections, and thickening of the skin (Ibid).  When this occurs, the skin cracks, infection sets in, and out comes the bone saw.  

• Intertrigo- For those of you who squat as often as I do and have extreme thigh hypertrophy, you're aware that baby powder is a necessity if you're going to be walking any real distance.  Fat people, apparently, can't be bothered, and suffer from intertrigo, which are skin folds that retain heat and moisture as the result of friction between skin surfaces.  Prepare to heave up your last meal, as "frequent sites of intertrigo are skin folds and areas that retain heat and moisture such as: posterior neck, axilla, under breasts, under pannus, perineal area, and inner thighs" (Ibid).  If you didn't catch that, it's common under fat folds, man titties, the taint, the armpit, AND THE BACK OF THE NECK.  That shit results in inflammation, liquification of the skin, and skin erosion, in addition to the standard bone-saw attracting infections.

Let there be cleanse.

• Psoriasis- We've all seen commercials for psoriasis, and they don't feature humanoid Jabba the Huts.  This is called "false advertising", because there's a stark "correlation between obesity, metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular risk and psoriasis" (Ibid).  So, we can add skin redness and irritation to their list of ailments.

• Perineal Dermatitis- Oh joy!  As if they weren't filthy enough, fatties are often incontinent, which gives them infections of their taint skin... because they can't be bothered to wipe after they shit or piss themself.

• Pressure Ulcers- Perhaps the most disgusting thing on the list, these overstuffed halfwits manage to get so fat that the weight of their skin pressing on other skin causes the underlying skin to die from lack of blood flow.  Frankly, of all of the impossible shit on thsi list, this seems the hardest for me to wrap my considerable intellect around, because even when I've gone hogging I've never fucked a chick so fat or immobile that such a condition could occur.  Apparently, however, it occurs, and it's a common cause of necrosis in fat people... or should we just start calling them zombies?  If they're simply rotting alive, don't notice it, and are simply driven by the urge to keep eating and do nothing else, calling the obese zombies seems appropriate.

Not sure if this is a pic hospital in North Carolina during the Civil War or from last week.  It's one or the other... or both.

Lest you think that the whine of the bone saw isn't as frequent as I've suggested, think again.  Hospitals these days, especially in the American South, are turning into Civil War battlefield hospitals, and lopping off off gangrenous limbs is an all-too-frequent occurrence where the diabetic adipose-abundant are concerned.  Sure, people who aren't disgusting fatasses dripping with type II diabetes get shit amputated as well... at a rate eight times lower than that of the fatties (Johannson).  And if you think that diabetes-related amputations aren't all that frequent, think again- "diabetes-related amputation per 10,000 persons with diabetes in 1991 was 95.25 in African-Americans, 55.98 in non-Hispanic whites, and 44.43 in Hispanics," and the incidence of type II diabetes has more than doubled in the last 20 years (Johannesson, AFP).  Though those statistics don't differentiate between the diabetes types, the nurses I surveyed estimated that the rate of amputation for Type II to Type I was greater than 20:1, due in large part to the fact that Type II diabetes in the US is generally the result of poor diet, lack of exercise, and generally being a useless, worthless, contemptible piece of shit, and the fact that Type II diabetes accounts for 90-95% of the diabetes in the United States (AFP).

In short, the segment of the population identified as obese is a vacuous, filthy, diabetic, maggot-infested, slowly rotting group of selfish and useless individuals who are systematically reducing modern medicine to Civil War standards and practices by making the the bone saw one of the most important ER surgery tools and who are placing an undue strain on society as a whole.  While I will stop short of advocating genocide, I wouldn't suggest taking some drastic measures would be out of the question- if whale oil can fuel lamps, be used to create soap, and provide humanity with a non-toxic alternative to transmission fluid, it seems we could easily find a use for the obese.  Given that we've established they're stupid, terrible drivers, filthy, diseased, worthless sacks of shit, we might as well find some use for them, even if it's just in death.

Cleanse?

A short addendum from an RN:

"It would be awesome, but nigh impossible, to find data re: money / hours / productivity lost secondary to obesity.  E.g., some patients have to be manually turned, side to side every 2 hours, while in bed. For a normal sized person that takes one or two RNs. For a walrus it takes 4 or 5 (or more). Every two hours.  For a normal pt it takes only 1 RN to insert a foley catheter. Fatties = 4 or more: one each to hold the legs back/open, 1 or 2 to hold back the pannus, 1 to aim the flashlight, and 1 to insert.Bigger wheelchairs, bigger beds, bigger bed sheets, more medication (antibiotics are fire weight-based)"

Sources:
AFP Relaxnews.  Diabetes rose dramatically from mid-1990's to 2010: CDC; Prevalence of the disease increased by at least 50% in 42 of the country's 50 states.  Daily News.  19 Nov 2012.  Web.  16 Oct 2014.  http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/diabetes-rose-dramatically-mid-1990-2010-cdc-article-1.1204421

Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center. Critical link between obesity, diabetes identified. ScienceDaily. 6 Mar 2013.  Web.  14 Oct 2014.  www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/03/140306112210.htm

Chastain, Ragan.  The Truth about “Diabesity.”  Dances With Fat.  25 Nov 2010.  Web.  14 Oct 2014.  https://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2010/11/25/the-truth-about-diabesity/

Facebook status for Allison Bartley.  Facebook.  27 Sep 2014.  Web.  14 Oct 2014.  https://www.facebook.com/allison.selmon.bartley/posts/10152470904074825

Johannesson A, Larsson GU, Ramstrand N, Turkiewicz A, Wiréhn AB, Atroshi I.  Incidence of lower-limb amputation in the diabetic and nondiabetic general population: a 10-year population-based cohort study of initial unilateral and contralateral amputations and reamputations.  Diabetes Care. 2009 Feb;32(2):275-80.

Lowe JR.Skin Integrity in Critically Ill Obese Patients.  Crit Care Nurs Clin North Am. Sep 2009; 21(3): 311–v.

Moraes-Vieira PM, Yore MM, Dwyer PM, Syed I, Aryal P, Kahn BB.  RBP4 activates antigen-presenting cells, leading to adipose tissue inflammation and systemic insulin resistance.  Cell Metab. 2014 Mar 4;19(3):512-26.

Nguyen NT, Nguyen XM, Lane J, Wang P.  Relationship between obesity and diabetes in a US adult population: findings from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey, 1999-2006.  Obes Surg. 2011 Mar;21(3):351-5. 

1. Fry bacon until crisp, then add onions, garlic, and both kinds of chili powder. Saute until onions are clear.  
2. Brown beef in large skillet, a pound at a time, adding sprinkles of red pepper while browning. Add some broth to pan to keep meat from sticking.  Add each batch to crock pot after browning and stir. 
3. Brown sausage with minced green chilies, then add habeneros when sausage is just about brown. 
4. Add spices, tomato sauce, Rotel tomatoes, and remaining broth. Mix well and cook for 30 minutes in crock pot on high. 
5. Add oregano tea and Tabasco. 
6. Cook on low for 15 more minutes and serve.

"Training CrossFit:
       -This is who the vast majority of my clientele are and I absolutely love it. These are people that use CrossFit for what it is truly designed for and in many ways it’s a means to an end. They don’t just want to be good in the gym but outside those walls as well. They want to be better cyclists, skiers, hikers, parents, grandparents, athletes… you name it. They use CrossFit to increase their base level of GPP (general physical preparedness) and this correlates to better performance in their specific sport or life.
It doesn’t mean they are any less of an “athlete” than any one of us out there, but they have different goals. In my opinion people can train CrossFit like this for a lifetime. We can come in the gym once a day, follow a 3 on 1 off cycle, or a 3 on 1 off 2 on 1 off cycle of training and see results for years to come. With good varied programming we will get strong, increase our endurance, see improved times, etc. Our work capacity across broad times and modal domains will increase which is the goal regardless. Over time we may need to target some of our weaknesses to help “level out” our work capacity but realistically it could take years and years to get there if at all. For some of us that day may never come depending on what our previous athletic/training background may be. 

      The sacrifice here is minimal. In most cases these people may just be switching training programs and their time commitments and priorities won’t change. Likely we would see these athletes making sacrifices for other goals they may have if any (qualifying for the Boston Marathon, winning a local mountain bike series, working to become a pro surfer). Either way CrossFit is there to develop their base and if any sacrifices are made they would be due to other avenues. 

2. CrossFit as a Recreational Sport:
-This is the person that has been introduced to CrossFit and enjoys the competition aspect of it. Maybe they enter a local competition and find themselves more attracted to this side of CrossFit. Team competitions, local throw downs possibly offering “scaled” divisions as well as “rx’d”, and CrossFit is starting to become more of a sport to them. These athletes may pay closer attention to targeting some of their weaknesses in order to “fast track” their fitness. This is a legitimate goal and one that I think a lot of people fall into. 

      Having specific and realistic goals here are going to be important to helping us define where we are along the line of the competition realm. A good association here is the difference between any recreational and professional sport. You may like to play tennis, golf, compete in a local soccer or softball club, go to swim meets, etc. but it’s a different demand and commitment than those that play those sports professionally.
Sacrifices may start to be required of those that are treating CrossFit more as a sport. Generally it’s going to be more time spent in the gym with either consistency or additional work. It may include some more specific programming outside of the regular class. We may need to pay closer attention to our diets and learn how to treat competitions and train for them as well as how to manage them. Overall it should still be FUN for us though. We can take it seriously but we also haven’t invested “all” of ourselves into an event so we SHOULD be having fun with the journey as well as the competitions along the way.

3. CrossFit as a Sport (Elite Level):
       -Some may think it’s a stretch to call it professional but I disagree. Those that are at the top of the field these days generally make it a living to train. The sacrifices here are heavy and things are not always fun. It’s work, hard work and these athletes are willing to put it in regardless of the outcome and they risk the time invested. I know a number of Games athletes and almost ALL of them either train at a gym, own a gym, or simply compete and do nothing else. Their lifestyle allows them to focus primarily on training and this is what it takes to be at an ELITE level. Most of them have lengthy previous experience in athletics or some kind of strength and conditioning program. Having a base level of fitness and having good exposure to strength training is a plus and although not mandatory it is rare to see people competing at a high level without this. It just takes a whole lot of hard work, and that takes time. 

       This athlete is someone that can basically do every workout on crossfit.com as rx’d, no scaling necessary and posts competitive times/scores with top Regional (top 5 or so) athletes and Games competitors past and present. They may go to some of the more well known competitions and place well. Qualify for Regionals without specific training for the Open and are legitimate contenders for the Games (Top 5-7 in a Region). Truthfully it’s a small percentage of the population of our community. One that makes sacrifices just as any other athlete trying to reach the peak of their sport would. We may find them working through aches and pains, potential injuries, and having to pay close attention on their training programs as well as maintenance outside of the gym as well. Specific programming is often required in the area of the athletes weaknesses and they have to be ever evolving as the demands of these competitors continually increase. Volume will typically increase depending on the age of the athlete and most of them will either have a coach or a group of likeminded individuals at a similar level to train with.
      The sacrifices that are made in the present for these athletes may or may not effect their overall well being in the future. Some of those aches and pains may turn into something more and the risk is worth the potential reward for these athletes. The goals they set in the near future can come at a high price, some who are willing just pay up."

"There’s some currently fashionable dogma out there that “we found some starch stuck in a dead guy’s teeth, so cavemen definitely ate lots of carbs,” but the condition of the teeth disprove that: carb-heavy diets = tooth decay in a land without toothbrushes and fluoridated toothpaste, and Paleolithic teeth, including the ones found with starch stuck in them, are uniformly excellent.  The single exception: someone found a place they were eating lots of acorns in the almost-Neolithic (15 KYa = 15,000 years ago) and they indeed had shitty teeth.  Unlike every other “starch in teeth” site, they also found the remains of woven baskets for storing those acorns: there’s a world of difference between “we ate it because it was on the ground for a few days and we’re hungry” and “we gather it, store it, and live off it for a substantial part of the year.”

The “starch in teeth” carb apologists also neglect to note that Paleolithic digs often contain thousands of handaxes, scrapers, flakes, and other meat-processing tools, and thousands of animal bones. (Example: 18,500 stone artifacts.)  And the wide variation in salivary amylase gene copy number between different races and cultures of modern humans (Perry 2007) suggests that the adaptation to high-starch diets is both very recent and incomplete" (Stanton).

• Allowed: Meat, fat, organs, and any other unprocessed animal product from animals fed and finished on grass (or forage, in the case of non-grass-eaters like chickens); fish and shellfish; eggs; tree nuts; vegetables; roots; berries; mushrooms; certain fruits in limited quantities; raw honey in small amounts.
• Forbidden:  Dairy products, legumes, grains, potatoes, sugar, added salt, and processed foods of any kind.   

1. It works very well for fat loss and recomposition.
2. It is very black and white, so there is no confusion as to what is and what is not allowed.

• Allowed:  Everything in strict paleo with the addition of salt, and other spices (except soy sauce and other grain-derived sauces); sweet potatoes; cooking oils made from animals or fruits (tallow, coconut, palm, olive); clarified butter; limited amounts of coffee, tea, mate, and other stimulant-laden beverages.  Red meat is encouraged over white, eating the entire animal (offal and all) is encouraged.
• Forbidden: Legumes, grains, white potatoes, sugar, and processed foods of any kind.   

1. It falls much more in line with what we know about the eating patterns of Paleolithic man.  One Paleolithic site in Egypt showed residues of 157 different plant and herb species, and it's believed that even more were used that left no residue (Moore 327–99).  Robb Wolf espouses the use of a variety of spices for their medicinal purposes, and it's known that Paleolithic man used spices as medicinal aids as well (Karnes)
2. The use of oil was in place during the Paleolithic, though they seem to have used nut oil for cooking.  Loren Cordain suggests that good modern cooking oils, other than animal fats, are flaxseed, walnut, olive, macadamia, coconut, and avocado (Vuolo).
3. It's well known that hunter-gatherers dating back to the Neanderthals utilized stimulants ranging from coca leaves to khat to ephedra.  As such, it only makes sense that stimulants be allowed in a paleo diet.

• Allowed: White potatoes (which I've explained are not only not paleo, but they were not even considered edible food in medieval in Europe), dairy if you tolerate it well, and gluten-free soy sauce is OK.  Carb recommendation is around 150g/day.  Occasional cheating on the diet is ok- i.e. the “80/20 rule.”
• Forbidden: Grains and “vegetable oils” like corn, soy, sunflower, grapeseed, and canola; corn syrup; textured vegetable protein.

1. It's easy.
2. It offers a lot of food choices.
3. It's a simple way for normal people to eat "clean".

1. It's really not paleo.
2. It allows a lot of high GI carbs.
3. I'd not going to afford the same kind of fat loss or lean muscle as the previous types of paleo.

• In short, this is Primal with the addition of white rice and a few other tropical “safe starches” (e.g. cassava, sago, taro, tapioca), and is in no way, shape or form, actually paleo.  This is paleo-lite for housewives.  Avoid it.

"Logically, we all ‘get’ what these paleo percentages mean, right? It’s not rocket science. You eat clean paleo (this means no paleo pancakes, paleo cookies, or other hybrid paleo creations that are showing up on some Paleo cooking blogs)a given percent of the time (like 80 or 90) and then the other 10-20 percent of the time you enjoy some non-sanctioned deliciousness. That’s really all there is to it. Everybody got that" (Kubal).

What's the difference between soup and stew? In theory, a soup is a combination of vegetables, meat or fish cooked in liquid. A stew is any dish that's prepared by stewing - that is, the food is barely covered with liquid and simmered for a long time in a covered pot.

"I'm a big believer in soups and stews, not just in cold seasons, but even in warm weather.  I think having veggies and soup is one of the best ways to start a meal.  Hearty vegetable soups and stews, where everything is cooked together- often veggies, roots, meats or seafood, and whole grains- have a great advantage in that many tastes, textures, and aromas combine in one hot, hearty meal.  This thousands-of-years-old-tradition is extremely good for your satiety" (Hofmekler 69).

Split Pea Soup

Marha Pörkölt – Hungarian Beef Paprika Stew

Erős Pista

Herbed Egg Noodles